Please don’t forget to read the Comments after reading this Michelle Lamar’s inexperienced opinion. When reviewing the Comments, keep in mind that they were limited to 250 words max. The following, here on my blog, is my original 436 word response to Ms. Lamar................
Have you even lost someone close to you to death? How dare you compare divorce with death! A “close second”? Do you compare the Bronze winner to the person that came in 4th?
When death is involved, the couple still had happy plans for the future. When divorce is involved, if ‘happy plans’ was still in mind, then that spouse was not facing reality. Wake up!! There were “clues” ahead of time.
Divorce comes in many different conditions….1. Mutual understanding from the start of separation. 2. A civil final situation. 3. One abandons the other. 4. A hostile final situation.
Death of a spouse comes…..1. suddenly by natural causes. 2. Suddenly by accident (including suicide & murder) 3. Slowly by terminal illness.
If death is sudden (and also sometimes in terminal illness – because one is hoping for a miracle), very likely there has been no preparation for the surviving spouse’s living arrangements, financial needs, location of important information/papers, or care for small children. “Sudden” can vary from a fraction of a second to a few weeks; therefore there is no ample time for preparation. In divorce, if the divorcing couple is “man enough” to not act like spoiled 2 year olds, then many, many arrangements and information can be gained either before or AFTER the signing of papers.
Will the deceased have the opportunity (if he so chooses) to still have a relationship with their children, parents, brothers/sisters, GRANDchildren? NO! Michelle, at least you DID put that in your opening statement. But it is by two grown adults CHOOSING if he is “dead to you”. I did not CHOOSE to become a widow.
A “friendly” divorce IS possible. A “friendly” death is not. Death is final. There can be no hope in any shape, form, or fashion to change the final outcome of death.
Support & Ritual? Did it not take 2 people (including yourself) to make your original wedding vows? Admit it, YOU made a mistake in getting married to that man. As far as rituals go, I’m sure some of your friends would not object in throwing you a “divorce PARTY”.
Next time, Michelle, write about something that you have firsthand experience on. You are not the first or last person to go thru divorce. I am not the first or last women that changed from being an active wife one minute, to an alone widow the next. I have been a widow for over 4 years now. What will be your attitude 4 years after your divorce? I’m adjusting to the best of my ability because “LIFE GOES ON”.
1. New picture album has been added, "M & L at 5 years old" - see left column. The girls are now going to public Kindergarten. They are in separate rooms (Lilly has a man-teacher).
2. I been busy, busy with job (being CEO, buyer/appraiser, bookkeeper and title clerk at carlot).
2A. because........ my secretary (same lady that worked with Ronnie) Up-and-Walked-Out (quit) in the middle of a workday. That was April 2008.
2B. and then........ my salesman/translator (also worked with Ronnie) turned in his 2 week notice (him thinking I would give him a raise in pay in order for him to stay ----- I DID NOT!). That happened June 2009.
2C. Therefore, I now have none of the same employees which Ronnie had. But a good thing - I do know the carlot's financial status, etc. "coming and going". :^) Guess you'd say that business is functioning fairly well.....since it's supporting 5 households (me and 4 employees).
3. IMPORTANT : Terry and I are still together/dating ! :-D Going on 2 years now. (see my blog post on Feb. 29, 2008)
On Valentine's Day I took two little Valentine cards along with two My Little Pony (different stories) books to Lilly & Meg (my 4 year old twin granddaughters). Meg was sick and asleep on the couch. Lilly greeted me at the door.
Two days later, on Monday, I had a telephone call at work. It was Peggy, the "other grandmother". Here's the phone conversation........
Peggy : "are you busy?"
me: "No. Is anything wrong?"
Peggy: "Lilly wants to talk to you"
Lilly: " HI Nanny! I'm at GiGi's house!"
(I heard Meg talking in background)
Lilly: "Just a minute. Meg is talking"
Lilly: "OK, Nanny..... I'm back ! "
me: "Has mommy read your My Little Pony book to you at bedtime?"
To my family, friends, and blog buddies, THANK YOU deeply for your thoughts, prayers, and concerns involving my widowhood.
It has been over a year and half since my husband, Ronnie, passed away at the young age of 56. Since I had been with him for almost 32 years, I had to do some extreme adjusting in ALL aspects of my life after his death. My job(s). My family relationships. My responsibilities. And, of course, adjusting in living alone. Somehow, there seemed to be no room in my life any more for just ME. I was always doing something that NEEDED to be done, instead of me WANTING to do it. There was no fun to be seen in the horizon.
BUT ! On December 8, 2007 I had a date. A date with a very good man. His name is Terry. He lives locally. (no, I did not meet him on the internet)
I will not tell you much details. I will say tho, that for the past 2 months, I have been very happy every single day. It's as if I'm a teenager again. A "teenager" with numerous responsibilities (which I am still seeing after). I'm sure God knew WHEN to introduce Terry into my life. HE knew when I could handle everything.
If Terry and I don't see each other every day, we at least TXT everyday. Yes - text messaging! We always TXT each other a "Good Morning" and a "Good Night" every day. We TXT alot! See what I mean about "being a teenager"? ha ha (I had to change my cell phone plan. The TXTing was killing me on the phone bill)
P.S........ I have even started attending church most every Sunday morning with Terry.